Emotional validation in children: What it is and how to apply it at home
- Aug 18
- 2 min read
Sometimes, without realizing it, we say things to our children like “it’s not a big deal,” “don’t cry,” or “don’t get upset about that.” We say it with good intentions, of course. We want them to feel better, to not suffer. But… what if, without meaning to, we’re not validating what they feel?
What is emotional validation?
Emotional validation is much simpler (and more powerful) than it sounds: it means recognizing, accepting, and making space for our children’s emotions, without judging them or trying to change them right away.
In other words, it’s not about agreeing with their behavior, but about understanding how they feel.
When we validate, we say things like:
“I understand that you’re sad”
“I can see that really made you angry”
“It makes sense that you feel this way”
And with that, we’re sending a key message: what you feel matters, and I’m here with you.
What emotional validation is NOT
Sometimes we confuse validation with other things. But validating does not mean:
Agreeing with everything they do
Allowing any behavior
Avoiding setting limits
Overprotecting or exaggerating their emotions
We can validate an emotion and still set a clear boundary:“I understand that you’re angry, but we don’t hit.”
What happens when a child is not emotionally validated?
When their emotions are minimized, ignored, or constantly corrected, several things can happen:
They learn that what they feel is “not okay” or “doesn’t matter”
They struggle to identify and express their emotions
They have more difficulty regulating themselves
Their self-esteem may be affected
Trust in us as a source of support can weaken
And something important: emotions don’t disappear when we ignore them. They just get pushed down… or come out in other ways.
Everyday examples: from invalidating to validating
We know it’s not always easy. So here are some real-life examples with small changes that make a big difference:
“Don’t cry, it’s nothing” vs. “I see you got hurt, of course that hurts. I’m here with you”
“Don’t get mad about that, it’s silly” vs. “I understand that bothered you, do you want to tell me what happened?”
“You’re too old to be scared” vs. “Sometimes feeling scared is normal, do you want us to look at it together?”
“If you keep that up, I’ll get angry with you” vs. “I see you’re very angry, let’s find a way to help you calm down”
It’s not about doing it perfectly, but about gradually changing the way we support them.
A gentle reminder for us
Validating doesn’t always come naturally, especially if we didn’t experience it ourselves growing up. And that’s okay. We’re learning.
What matters is not being perfect, but being available, listening, and being present.
Because in the end, when we validate, we’re not only helping our children manage their emotions… we’re also strengthening our bond with them.
And that, without a doubt, leaves a lasting impact.
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